thankful for… oscar
Once again party perfect has been silent for a bit, my apologies. We lost our yellow lab yesterday. I don’t know if it was cancer or leukemia or something else, but Oscar had no white blood cells and had stopped eating, taking his medicine, and retrieving. We knew the end had arrived and didn’t want him to suffer.
We got the final prognosis a week ago and spent our time giving him extra belly rubs, letting him on the sofa and in our bed, feeding him extra portions of meat (when he would eat it), taking him to the park, loving him, and just being with him. Even though we tried to make the most of the time we had left with him, I’ve been shocked by how much grief I’ve felt since coming home alone from the veterinarian’s office.
The house feels all sorts of empty. There are yellow tennis balls laying around that I know will never be touched again (our black lab has never had interest in them). Tufts of yellow hair in the corner that once swept, won’t be found again. Two leashes sit linked together next to the back door for outings with the pups. Our black lab and his best friend, Tag, has lost interest in chewing bones. (They used to have a ‘competition’ as to who could finish theirs first, so I guess the thrill is gone.)
The reality really set in when my husband came home last night completely unannounced. Usually there is a barking parade initiated by Oscar when he pulls into the driveway- our kids start yelling, ‘Daddy!’, Tag starts barking too, the evening officially begins. But last night Charlie came in the door without any fanfare. No one barked, no one even knew he was inside until he appeared in the kitchen. It’s sad. Really sad around here. More sad than I ever realized it would be.
There had been days since my kids arrived that I was not the best mom to him. I had days when I felt so incredibly drained by two young kids demanding my attention that the last thing I wanted was one more cling-on, another being who needed my attention and love. Of course, I wish differently now and would give back any of those days just to have our Oscar for one more. But I’m grateful that I got to tell him how much I loved him before he died.
Logically, my mind tells me I should not grieve this much for a dog. I know it could be much worse- a parent, a child, a friend. But my heart doesn’t know that I’m supposed to feel less sad than I do. It’s as though all the sad days I’ve had over the past eight years have come flooding back to me. Any time I was having a really bad day, or a string of them, I would curl up next to Oscar and Tag and cry into their soft fur. It was, and is, the best therapy. So now that I no longer have that fur to take in and dry my tears, it’s as though they won’t stop. And all those bad days are being relived.
Oscar was not my first dog, but the first dog that was all mine. He was an engagement gift from my in-laws, and has been with us since our first days as a married couple. When I looked back through the pictures, I couldn’t believe how much life we have lived with him in 8 years. 5 houses, 2 kids, a near death accident, great days, bad days, and in-between days, he was there with us through it all. It makes me feel old, too. I can’t believe I’m old enough to have my ‘firstborn’ gone. It’s strange to realize I’ve lived enough life to have lived through someone else’s.
I needed some closure, a send-off of some sort, so I sent a note to close friends that read:
“Our dear sweet Oscar left this world today. He had the silkiest ears, the softest fur, and the biggest heart. He was a lover of tennis balls, people food, kids, propping his head up on a pillow, kissing, butter and attention. He was perfect with Gram and Adah, and a fierce protector of his family. The best yellow lab ever, in our opinion. He will be greatly missed by all, especially by Tag. Tag stayed by his side until the end. We’re a bit heartbroken that he had to leave us after just 8 years, but we are grateful for our time with him. Thank you for being a part of his life! We feel so blessed for having known and loved him.”
I hope you’ll indulge me as I share a couple of pictures from our treasured time with Oscar. I know I will spend this Thanksgiving grateful for my time with this special animal, who touched me in many ways I’m still coming to terms with.
{the day I brought him home, he was shaking and so scared}
{does it get any cuter than this!?}
{loved propping his head from day one}
{and giving kisses}
{tag joined the family a year later}
{they were immediately best buds}
{good times}
{and then came my son…taken right before I left for the hospital}
{who they sniffed and approved of immediately}
{and soon he became one of their best buds, too}
{and then we became a family of six… on my way to hospital to have my daughter}
{who they accepted as well}
{and then came the beginning of the end. tag knew oscar was sick and camped out next to him}
{so we started to say goodbye. goodbye to that soft yellow fur…}
{goodbye to our friend…}
{goodbye to tag’s best friend…}
{oscar, we knew you were suffering…but it doesn’t make it any easier…}
{to say goodbye, my friend}
{i love you, sweet o. see you on the other side}
{received today from our vet’s office}
{and a drawing from my dear friend’s daughter. tag is thinking of oscar and telling him he loves him. it has become an instant treasured possession}
I also have an Oscar, although he is small and white. Such a beautiful post, read with a little quiet cry at my desk. My heart goes out to you, it’s never silly to grieve an animal, particularly one that is a member of the family. I can tell from all the pictures Oscar was adored and treasured as much as he adored and treasured you. RIP Oscar, may there be lots of tennis balls where you are now.
thanks so much, lyndsay. may your oscar have a long and healthy life!
I am so very sorry for your loss. My black lab passed away five years ago and reading your post brought back so many memories and so many tears. I too didn’t spend enough time with my pooch once the kids were born. I don’t think it is irrational or wrong to grieve a dog, especially a dog that was such a large part of your life. {{HUGS}}
thank you for all the very sweet comments. they mean so much!
So so sorry for your loss. Not silly at all – completely understand the hole that has been left in your home and your hearts.
So sorry to hear about your sad loss.We were always cat people and your pets do really become part of your family as you get to know their personalities and quirks. There is such a hole left when they leave us. Warm thoughts to you and your family I can see from the pictures that Oscar was an adored pet. xx
I am so so sorry for your loss. This is the first thing I’ve read this morning and although I am completely bawling for you, I can’t help but think of what an amazing person you are! Loving Oscar the way you did is the way it should be with all dogs!!!
Oscar was, with no doubt, a very loved dog! Rest well Oscar!
I am so sorry for your loss. Reading about your love for Oscar has me in tears. Since the addition of my daughter I know that my dog has not got the attention that he use to when it was just the three of us. Thank you for the reminder to spend the extra time with him.
I am sooo sorrrrrry. This has made me just have a hug sob. I lost a dear toy fox terrier and it totally ripped out my heart. Our pups are such special gifts that words cannot describe. We couldn’t go on for every long with such a hole. Even with the arrival of two tiny toy fox terriers two months later, there was still a hole. Even after many years like yesterday on the way to work, I had a Sam moment even though our house is filled with 3 pups who love and demand our attention and bark too much. I look at my pups now and love ‘em as much as I can because I know time is precious… Huge hug. You don’t carry your sadness alone….
oh my. sitting here with tears streaming down my face. dogs are such a special part of a family. we recently had our first human baby, and the dog may have not had has many cuddles and love as he deserves lately. off to give him some love.
so sorry for your loss.
I read your site from Argentina. I always come here to find some fun and original ideas for parties. You (in a certain way) are always present in my happy times and now I want to share with you these difficult ones. In spite of being so far away, I’d like to let you know that I’m very very sorry for your lost and I’m pretty sure that Oscar felt all this love
Hugs from Argentina!!
I’m so sorry for your loss. I got quite weepy reading this post. Dogs are such a huge part of the family. They’re family. A big hug to you.
Was just passing through and wanted to say we know just how you feel, and it really is ok to feel so sad! You’ve lost a member of your family, one who’s shared your home for so many years! We lost our pup earlier this year age 13, and we still get teary eyed about him. But we know he had such a good life! and a send off with lots of chocolate dog chocolates
They know they’re loved
- Becs xx
I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for your post. It resonated with me, because my beloved firstborn, a pitbull, named Sky, was dethrowned once my daughter arrived this time last year, mostly out of pure exhaustion. After giving and giving to my dauther all day long, I don’t have much to give to him. Your post inspired me to muster up more engery for him, because at 8 years old now, who knows how much longer he will be with our family.
I am so sorry for your loss. Being silly is definitely not the word that comes to mind. Hurting is more like it and like everyone else I am more than happy to lend my ear. Since our youngest has come we have lost 3 of our pets…all small 2 ferrets and a guinea pig…all of which I cried over(felt silly at times too). Its never easy as our pets become BIG parts of our families and a piece is missing when they are gone. I try to give love and attention to our 2 dogs each day…and will do so even more after this post.Thank you for the reminder. May your family find peace somewhere in all this hurt. Thank you for sharing with us something as meaningful as this is. OOO-HUGS-OOO!!!!
Your post brought me to tears. I am so sorry for your loss. We have a golden retriever that has been with us now for 12 years, through 7 moves, 3 countries, and the addition of 3 children. I didn’t realize until tonight just how much he means to me, or how neglectful I have probably been. The non-furry children demand so much of the attention that there’s not always a lot left for the furry ones. Thank you for reminding me to appreciate our boy while he is here. It sounds like Oscar had such a wonderful life being a part of your family. My deepest condolences.
Oh, Sara, my heart breaks for you and your family. I am crying right now just imagining the pain your loss brings. We have a six year old black lab named Nina who is the light of our lives and just two months ago we brought her home a little sister, Colby, who is a five month old golden retriever pup. They bring us such immense joy and immeasurable love so I can only send you big hugs and lots of love from afar. I hope the relief from the grief comes soon. xoxo
oh, our dogs are such a part of our lives, our families. They’re such love to have around, and I totally understand the sadness of your loss. Sending you a warm hug…
I am sitting here with tears streaming down my eyes and my husband asking why I am misty-eyed. Why, I don’t know, I just feel overwhelmed at your loss – so very, very sad. For people who don’t have pets, I guess they don’t get it, but for those of us who have, we know just how much pets become part of one’s life. They share the exciting times, and just seem to understand the sad times. I hope that one day another little puppy will come into your life to start another chapter – different, but still wonderful.
Thanks so much, Virginia- to you and the other very kind readers who have been touched by the loss of Oscar. We feel so fortunate to still have Tag, our black lab. There might be a day when we are ready to take on another friend for him (and for us), but for now, we’re just remembering our good times with O. Thanks again. xoxo
Sara,
I don’t even like pets, but after reading your post I’m about ready to put a doggy under the christmas tree for my family. I loved seeing all your photos and how much a part of your family Oscar was.. so touching.
XO
B
Oh, I am so touched by your story and Oscar. What a beautiful tribute. A dogs love cannot be compared to anything in this world. I hope Tag is doing well too. We lost our beloved Westie (Harley) about a year ago and your post brought tears to my eyes thinking about how you all are feeling. Try to remember the joy he brought and that will keep him alive and well in your heart. Sending hugs your way! Jamee
Oh Sara…I am so very sorry for your loss. I sat here for 10 minutes and just cried after reading your story. Isn’t it amazing how a dog can touch peoples lives?? I have a Pug that is 8 years old and we have been through so much together…college, internships afar, meeting my husband, meeting our kids and so on. I can’t imagine what I will feel the day she is gone. Thank you for sharing the story of Oscar. Ok, now I am crying again!
Just wanted to send you love from Australia. Cried when I read your post, it must be heartbreaking. xxx
I’m so sorry to hear about your sweet Oscar. I know he had a wonderful life because he was loved by all of you. We have an English Setter, Bailey, and just thinking about the day we’ll have to say good bye to him brings me to tears. I cried and cried as I read your story. My husband was getting a little worried when he saw me. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
May the many wonderful, beautiful memories you have of Oscar help you through this difficult time. Sending you, your family and Tag lots of love.
That was just the nicest post. My sympathies to you and your family.
I know I don’t know you and never met Oscar, but I’ve enjoyed this blog for months and this post has me in tears. I’ve grown up with dogs, which, unfortunately, means outliving them as well. I think it’s totally normal to grieve like you are. The two dogs my husband and I have are so much a part of our family that even thinking of life without them is painful and something I can’t do without crying (so I try to never think of it). We got them after 3 months of marriage- almost as early as y’all got Oscar. It looks like he was a very loved and happy pet. I do believe they know they’re loved, and that’s the most you can do for them. Thanks for sharing,and my condolences for your loss.
Sorry for your loss. I am bawling my eyes out at your post. I feel the loss with you as I have lost a pet a few years back. As tears stream down my face, my best friend’s furry chocolate lab is loosing her battle with leukemia. It’s so heartbreaking. Hugs to all of you!
Your photos and message brought tears to my eyes! I’ve had 2 dogs my entire life and when I lost my first black lab, Payton I had I was devastated. Who knew a dog would have such an impact on my life!! Sounds like your Oscar was a great dog and a beautiful part of your family.
LOVE your website- you are an inspiration!!!!
I definitely just shed some tears for you. I think people often underestimate the impact of losing a pet – especially those who have never had wonderful pet-human relationships. Dogs just seem to know when you need them and they are always happy to see you. I know it will take a long time for you to get used to not having Oscar around, and I pray for you to find comfort in all the great memories you had with him.
I’m a vet myself, and bear witness to this kind of love, and loss, often. It is not melodramatic to feel it as a big loss, for it was a big love. He was a family member, and was there (as you said) for so many of the changes and big moments in your life. Your letting him go was an act of love he needed. Hoping that with time, the sadness recedes and the happy memories remain.
my heart aches for you. i have nothing more to add, that hasn’t already been said, but know my thoughts are with you and your family.
hi sara.
i am sitting here with tears in my eyes reading your sweet and meaningful post about oscar. i can not imagine what my husband and i will do when our etta goes to her heavenly place. she is my first pet that is all mine as well and i have been amazed at the love and joy she has brought into our home over the past 3 1/2 years and i have been amazed at how much i treasure her and love her as if (like you said) she is our firstborn. we are actually about to have our first human baby in april and i look forward to seeing her welcome a new “little bit” (as we call etta) into our home. your description of the grief of losing an animal was so touching to read – i thank you for your truth and honesty. loved seeing the photos too – oscar was very loved.
on a lighter note…
i am from and live in nashville and believe we have a few friends in common (liz vaughn, rory foster and i am sure others). anyways…i have wanted to write to you for quite a while now and tell you how much i adore your blog and website. one of my loves in life is helping put together parties for friends and family and all of the detail and creativeness that come with it…and your site is always my first stop for inspiration. so i thank you.
blessings and joy to your family as you continue to grieve your sweet pup.
best.
-joanna.
joanna- can’t wait to meet you in person! thank you for your sweet note.
Oh, a major cryfest I just had over here! I so feel your loss and understand how much you loved Oscar. I think people who don’t have dogs just can’t understand the grief you feel. I know Oscar was one loved and lucky boy. I feel for Tag. He lost his best friend
We had two labs: Dakota, {kotyboots} my black lab and Montana, {monty} my yellow lab. We lost Koty about a year ago to Kidney cancer. She was just shy of 8. It so broke my heart that we could not save her. I cried for months. Months! I couldn’t even talk about her without breaking into tears. I was a total mess.
Montana just went in for his teeth cleaning – which they have to put them under for. Montana is 10. I told them if there was even a remote chance of him not making it, not to do the procedure… I just couldn’t take losing him. We walk four miles every morning and the morning of his procedure I walked without him… and I felt such a loss not having him with me. I realized, I spend most of my day with Monty… my kids are both in school full day now, so Monty comes with me on all my errands. I treat him like one of my kids
I just love him.
Anyway, sorry for going on… you will start to feel less sad in a few months… and in a year, you’ll still be talking with affection about your Oscar
Wishing you happy memories!
That brought tears to my eyes just reading about such a precious puppy!! so sorry for you guys. I know it is so hard. We are about to lose our golden retriever and that just makes it so much more real. I know it gets better. I hope tag is doing well. We have another dog that loves our golden and I just get so sad for her. I bet you guys feel the same way about tag. I hope that you guys are all feeling better and healing through this loss.
I just read your post. I don’t know you but have fallen in love with your blog. I sit here now in tears because I too have an amazing lab. Losing him would be so hard. I know that some day my sweet dog who I adore and my boys are head over heals in love with will pass too. I can only imagine how heart wrenching that must be. What a treasure trove of pictures and memories you have. I am blessed to have read it and viewed your love for Oscar.
I pray that your are comforted by his peace and that all can come to know the love for a pet as you have.
God Bless,
natalie
Sara: Reading your beautiful post pulled on my heartstrings. The tears I shed were at once sad and happy. Sad for your having lost Oscar, yet happy that you and he had each other for a time. I don’t think we get over losing them, but we do get to struggling less without them. Love your beautiful black dog with all your might, as he is grieving in a level that we cannot share, AND he has taken on a bit of your grief/sadness as well. Your black animal will let you know when it’s time to begin again; i.e., another puppy. It must come when the black is ready, as they will both be each other’s best friend. Thank you for loving your animals so completely, and thank you for taking such good care of them. I’ve had many animals, still have a few, and the losing part and the lonely part never gets easier – it simply gets more unique with each animal. But love you must because loving is essential, and loving animals even more necessary. Oscar is still with you, just in another space and time and he’s loving you every minute. Hugs to you. Thanks again for posting.
Thanks again, my friends! All of these responses are so sweet. We are so grateful to have had Oscar with us for 8 years. We’re so sad any time we think of how much we miss him, but try to focus on the good times we had. Maybe one day we can bring another pup into our life, but for now- Tag is holding down the fort.
I stumbled on your blog for the first time and have been reading it for the past hour–I just reached your post about Oscar and had to take a momemt to say how sorry I am for your loss. Our yellow lab Eliot is the first dog I’ve ever owned. I never anticipated the depth of love I would feel for this amazing creature, and I can’t imagine what it will be like when we have to say goodbye to him. Thank you for sharing.
Oscar, what a beautiful and loved pet! I am so sorry for your loss! Your post about Oscar has me in tears…I have two dachshunds, Vienna and Snickers, who are my ALL! I spend my days with my children and my pups and really would be devastated if I lost any! I can feel your pain! I am truly so sorry you had to go through this horrible experience but try to think of all your good times with Oscar! I am sure he is watching over you, your beautiful family and Tag from doggie heaven! Many many hugs!
Johanna
I am new to your blog and just wanted to tell you how beautiful this tribute was. I loved looking through the progression of pictures of your family and sweet Oscar. He is on the other side, watching over you all and will be there for you
So sorry for your loss.
I cried whem I read about Oscar… I am so very sorry for your loss
I love dogs
Last year we lost our friend Ralph, 12 years old, miss him, I can still see him walking around the house, lying on the couch … I can imagine your pain
We must thank the joy that these beings give us and the beautiful memories it make us
hugs
Ju
I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our beloved dog Kohl (Doberman) last year. It gets easier with time but we never forget our first fur babies.
Marry
oh my goodness. I stumbled across your site and have been exploring it for a few days. I just read this entry today. I am so very sorry for your loss. What a beautiful tribute you left beautiful Oscar. What a lucky dog he was to have you and your family in his life. I am sitting at work in tears. I was so touched by your story.
I just stumbled across this blog. I completly understand what you are going through. We lost our Golden Retriever in Nov 2009 and still miss him. Anyone who has lost an animal who was more than a pet knows that you aren’t more sad than you should be be. Just this year we felt ready for a new puppy and though we love him, Bo will never be replaced in our hearts.
We too lost our Golden, Dobie, last year….this reminded me so much of how we felt.
I still look for him…..and miss him. They truly do leave a pawprint on our hearts!
ps–love, love, love your blog site!
Stumbled over from Pinterest…just wanted you to know that you’re still touching hearts. I have so many of those exact same pics of my yellow lab Wally, and your sentiments about losing Oscar are spot on for how I felt for my “first baby.” Thank you for sharing.
What a sweet thing to write! Thank you, Niki.
Just read this beautiful blog. I actually came across your blog via Pinterest (believe it or not). I am a total animal lover and while we have 6 cats and no dogs I completely know what it’s like to lose a beloved pet. I have never seen the movie however I think that the story of Oscar and Tag is the real life story of ‘Marley and Me’.
This touched my heart, I lost an amazing dog almost 2 years ago (hard to believe it has been that long) he had just turned 6 and had lymphoma. My heart goes out to you, dogs are such wonderful,faithful, loving companions and are irreplaceable.